love affair

you were five seats away, too far

though rather you far than close

merely strangers nothing between us except emptiness

never more

words unspoken and fingertips untouched.


our only interaction by

my hand sliding the papers

           too forcefully your eraser falls; apologies silent words amused smirks.

           too lightly you reach for it; eyes meet confirm.

your hand slamming down on the papers

           claiming; completing our interaction

           until the next stack.


one hundred and twenty minutes of

secret smiles

and a glance, a glimpse hoping awaiting

a second when our eyes speak everything yet nothing

is all we have.


nothing more nothing less

but enough.



these nights i sit by the window wrapped tightly in two blankets

with my christmas lights lit up providing a faint glow

hot milk tea in my giant green mug flecked with white on the windowsill

mellow acoustics escaping softly from the speaker

i was alone

these nights i once loved

i was lonely

silence at one in the morning a foreign concept

half a mug of cold tea left untouched with tea stains idly waiting to be washed

an unwelcome emptiness intruding my happy place

these nights i sit by the window wrapped tightly in two blankets


I wish you could know, I wish you would know.

That there is more beyond my tear-less eyes

Anxiety behind my monotone voice

Words that I am incapable of speaking out loud

Gratefulness that my hugs cannot convey.

Lifeless and bleak,

am I?


I apologize.


For I cannot ever express myself for you to understand

That I feel myself ripping apart but tears do not fall

Longing failing to seep into my voice

Fear of your reaction to my proclamations

You saved me.

But even my apology,

fails me.


I apologize.