I wish you could know, I wish you would know.
That there is more beyond my tear-less eyes
Anxiety behind my monotone voice
Words that I am incapable of speaking out loud
Gratefulness that my hugs cannot convey.
Lifeless and bleak,
For I cannot ever express myself for you to understand
That I feel myself ripping apart but tears do not fall
Longing failing to seep into my voice
Fear of your reaction to my proclamations
You saved me.
But even my apology,
escaping from your twisted lips
are sweet sweet syllables delivered
in a symphonious melody
pillaged with promises of misery
a lullaby of death.
panic involves the shattering of dreams
the clenching of the heart
the hurried fingers frantically typing
the supposed burden disappearing coming back to haunt
the new problems causing disorder
the fearful overcoming the hopeful
panic involves an opportunity, RUINED.
forged copies scattered
encrypted memories breached
a broken man identified
Your oversized wool off-white cardigan
(The one with the buttons)
Thrifted, you said
As my eyes scanned, discreetly, I hope.
Your voice with the slightest foreign accent,
Proper yet gentle
Wisdom and passion pouring out
As I sat up straighter to listen, trying my best to appear worthy.
Your ability to link words together into art,
To remember, you say, or to empower others, you state
As I read, feeling awestruck but inferior.
Your confidence while you stand behind the podium,
(Even with tears and sniffles)
The ‘Iron Lady’, they call you
As I sat amazed, intimidated, by the presence of a highness.
Is this envy or admiration?
Because your everything, I wish I had.
Because you’re everything, I wish I were.
i feel safest
in a bookstore lined with