apologies

I wish you could know, I wish you would know.

That there is more beyond my tear-less eyes

Anxiety behind my monotone voice

Words that I am incapable of speaking out loud

Gratefulness that my hugs cannot convey.

Lifeless and bleak,

am I?

 

I apologize.

 

For I cannot ever express myself for you to understand

That I feel myself ripping apart but tears do not fall

Longing failing to seep into my voice

Fear of your reaction to my proclamations

You saved me.

But even my apology,

fails me.

 

I apologize.

 

 

 

 

 

flawless

flawless

Your oversized wool off-white cardigan
            (The one with the buttons)
            Thrifted, you said
            As my eyes scanned, discreetly, I hope.
Your voice with the slightest foreign accent,
            Proper yet gentle
            Wisdom and passion pouring out
            As I sat up straighter to listen, trying my best to appear worthy.
Your ability to link words together into art,
            Mesmerizing masterpieces
            To remember, you say, or to empower others, you state
            As I read, feeling awestruck but inferior.
Your confidence while you stand behind the podium,
            (Even with tears and sniffles)
            The ‘Iron Lady’, they call you
            As I sat amazed, intimidated, by the presence of a highness.
Is this envy or admiration?
Because your everything, I wish I had.
Because you’re everything, I wish I were.